Begging Children in Dehli

Written originally July 5th.
The beggar children are what really get em more than anything. More than the trash or the stray dogs everywhere or the smell of piss or the callous disregard for the safety of pedestrians. I don't know what to do but cry. They are covered in dirt and come to you with their hands out. I feel like I'm made out of shit when I turn them away. I don't know what to do except to ask God for forgiveness because I can't make it better for them. Two kids came at me. the girl was contortionist the bot walked next to me banging a simple beat out on a drum as he wagged his head in such a way to keep a ball attached by a string attached to his hat swinging around in a circle. Mostly she was doing walkovers, but at one point she did a move that took her through the dirt on her face and when she got up and looked at me, eager for change, one cheek was covered in dust so that I could just see the heart that had been painted there.

Why did I feel it was so necessary to reject her pleas for money? Why did I send them away, saying "no, no, no" over and over again? They were so little and so young and my heart broke to see them. I cried the rest of the way back to the hotel, not understanding why things have to be this way. Why I'm so impotent to do the least bit of good in the dirty smelly world that eats its children.