Killing Fields

Connor is a friend from the debate team.

At a party thrown by my ex-debate partner Felix, I showed Connor my pictures from Cambodia. In particular I wanted him to see the pictures I took while I was at the memorial they had constructed at the site of the Killing Fields, one of the many spots the ruling Khemer Rogue would take people to murder them.

From Cambodia

He was so disturbed at seeing the bones of the dead he had to leave the room, saying that he had studied anatomy enough to be able to reconstruct in his mind the size and the age of some of the skulls he saw.

When you arrive, it doesn't really seem like there is much there at the memorial. A 4 story structure that is pretty enough, although, having just come from Thailand, not impressive in its grandeur.

From Cambodia

But then you get closer and you see that its four stories, spiking into the blue sky, are filled from top to bottom with human skulls. There is only so much time you can spend there. There is only so many pictures you can take. This is Asia. The theme of "safety last" can be seen here: the glass doors are open - you can walk right up to it. You are literally inches away from this monument to human cruelty, you can feel the souls of the dead still crying out for recognition. For some kind of release that may never come for them.

I thought to myself that there could not be much more here. The cynical part of me thought that this was just a way for our taxi driver to get a cheap couple bucks out of us. I guess it was just my way of distracting myself from the horror. But then I saw the graves.

It was the first time I have seen mass graves in real life. I hope that it is the last time. The whole area was pockmarked with them. Shallow indentations time had the sense to fill with grass and dragonflys. There was a sign that said "don't walk through the mass graves" They were everywhere. It being southeast Asia, there was a informality that came along with the spot. An informality that meant there were literally stacks of bones, human remains, just sitting there up against a tree.

From Cambodia

Thinking about it now, I'm still awestruck. It was a devestating place to be. Soul crushing to know that I was walking through a living artifact of human cruelty. There was something about the children at the gate that made it a little better.

From Cambodia

Shari, my sister I don't know if I have gotten around to her being there on the trip or not, had been walking ahead of me and was talking to a group of kids who were on the other side of the fence that surrounded the area. They were asking for money, but Shari had instead given them her sunglasses. So I did too. It seemed like the right thing to do. I don't know. I should have just given them some change. I miss those sunglasses...

From Cambodia

Seriously, though. All I can say is thank God for sending us those kids to take our minds off how horrifying the scene we were walking through was. All I can think of is that we need to work towards a world where things like the Killing Fields have no ground to lock onto.

The Hernandez Brothers kicked ass

Oh, shit I love Love and Rockets. I remember when I was a fucked up punk living on the street reading these comics and thinking to myself how fucking right on they were about everything they were writing about. I wanted to date Maggie so bad!

Why guns are bad.

Not really just guns. The power of life and death in any capacity should not be left to the astoundingly inept reasoning capability of the human brain.

This goes for nuclear weapons, the death penalty, and anything else you can think of.

This is because we are all raving lunatics who tenuously grasp at the straws of our existence while justifying our actions based on the arbitrary juxtaposition of sanity and the not-sane.

Hey, I'm not just talking from personal experience, although this post is definitely inspired by a personal experience I had talking to Nebish yesterday. The world is fucked up and you know it. I'm just going to explain why is all.

As I reflect upon the conversation I'm struck by the myriad conflicting emotions that were generated in my consciousness as we spoke. I was filled with admiration, love, and respect, while at the same time I felt envy, disappointment, and sadness. Creatures with this level of complexity can not be responsible for decisions that are as profound as taking a life!

I used to think that television was a bad thing. I still get upset with myself if I think I have been playing too many video games. I have changed my tune. While engaged in these mindless activities, humans are saved from having to make decisions based on the hurricane Katrina of thoughts and feelings which constantly deluge us as we sit huddled up in the bomb shelter of our minds constantly in fear that the levees are about to burst.

So I say: have another beer, puff on another fatty, pre-order grand theft auto 23, whatever you like, but please, please for everyone's safety and your own; don't make any decisions, because you, like the rest of us, are seriously incapable of knowing what the fuck you are doing.