Man period.

That is the only thing I can figure. I just feel like I must be having my man period. I'm irritable, emotional, irrational. It fucking sucks.

I was riding the train home from school. There are occasionally these uniformed transit-gestapo that check to make sure you have paid to get onto the train. You have to show them your pass/transfer or else you get a ticket. One of these guys were waiting at the turnstile as I was walking out, so I got out my transfer and showed it to him. But that wasn't good enough for him, he needed to look closer to make sure that the transfer had not expired and insisted I bring the ticket to him.

Now, mind you, I find these people to be completely reprehensible. Their very presence upsets me when I'm not in an emotionally vulnerable place. I can't see them without imagining they are there to check to see if I am a Jew. Or if I'm a palestinian. Or if I have my work permit to be walking around in the white area of south africa during apartheid.

So he grabs my ticket out of my hand! I was out of my mind with anger and I started cursing him. I walked away fuming I was so mad. The attendant on duty in booth makes a point to turn on his mic as he supposedly calls the cops on me.

The worst part is that I feel terrible for blowing up at this guy. It is completely against everything I believe to let something like that get the better of me. The only thing I can figure is that I am on my man period. Fuck...