Just another bad morning.

Yea. Just another bad morning. If I could give myself a lobotomy I would. I fully understand a movie like Eternal Sunshine. If there was some way I could just shut out my memories of her maybe I could feel capable of moving on with my life. Right now I feel emotionally crippled and I don't know what I'm going to do to get over it except work through this. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

An ending.

There is a Brian Eno song called "An Ending" that is part of the soundtrack to the brilliant zombie movie 28 Days Later.

The protagonists walk across a devastated post-apocalyptic landscape while Eno's synth howls and wails in a broad echoing embrace. There is no real hope for the future and little that surrounds them they can count on for help.

I imagined Rachel and I together in that place. We would survive even through to the end of the world, still holding on to each other when everything else fell away.

I find it somewhat sad and ironic now when I think of that world as a metaphor for what our relationship had become. It was not something that had happened to us and which we transcended through our faith in each other, but an empty lifeless world we had created for our selves. It was an unsustaining and unsustainable tableau which cried through the sound of Brian Eno's music; mourning the remains of a love that never had the chance to bloom before it disintegrated into a mockery of itself.

Of course, the movie does have a happy ending; so I suppose there is always hope.